You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
