So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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