Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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