You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
