We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
