dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
