Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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