for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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