My sheets look like a crime scene.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Houston, we have a blender
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
