You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the day after is always just damage control
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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