Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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