we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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