he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
