Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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