Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
