Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
4 words: hood of his car
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
