It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
