I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
