Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
