Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
