Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
