Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
