This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
