Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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