So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
