At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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