What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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