So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
babies were throwing up all over the place
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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