I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
