come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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