There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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