I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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