Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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