I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
