we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
