I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
