Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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