At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
