Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
