Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
