4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
