Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
