My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize