Do you still have your period?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
