I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
