I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
