new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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