p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
im holly from the hills drunk
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
