Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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