Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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