Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
