cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
