so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
