I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
