Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize