Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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