On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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