I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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