I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
