Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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