Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
