i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
try to milk me bitch
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