He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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