**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
