I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
